Sleep Deprived.

It’s weird to see uploads of old high school friends hanging out at familiar spots. It’s even stranger to think that I am not back there, nor will I be back on familiar soil for very long. Instead I have chosen Colgate friends and the East coast, which I never thought I would do. Sure, I’ll be back for 6 weeks this summer, but I’m starting to think this summer may be my last in Colorado.

Truth is, I love my family, but I know I have the support from the seven of them wherever I go. They will never abandon me, nor will they try to hold me back. Family is something that never changes, but home and where we consider “home” will.

After getting texts about how sick of their family others are after being home for a week makes me miss my own family and its quirks. There is not one group of people quite like my group of seven, nor will there ever be again. I love them with every fiber of my being, and there is nothing I would do to trade for the love and support. Seeing them in 12 hours puts a pit in my stomach, giving me so many butterflies I can hardly stand it.

I love everything about my family. I love that they don’t push me so hard that it drives me away. I love that my mom is my best friend, despite the distance that has found its way into our relationship recently. Being away and constructing a new “home” will do that. Without doing this, I know I would be stuck in a rut, missing home and the people who create that environment for me. I love my brothers who are each funny in their own way, my sister who will fight like hell to succeed and keep up with the boys. And finally, I absolutely adore my dad who always knows the right thing to say, always has a methodical approach and calm outlook to any situation. I miss the greeting my dog gives me when I get home. In short, there are so many things I miss about home, but there is a part of me that wants and needs to move on from my little bubble in Littleton, Colorado. I want to be out east; I want the rush of a city and urban setting; I want to establish roots and memories with new friends.

So yes, I still love my family; I owe everything to the St. Anne’s and Kent Denver communities, but the Colgate world is where I’m headed, and I couldn’t be more excited and ready for this new family.

I wanted you to be my forever, the guy that was for me, but I am positive this is no longer the case. I will love you; I will visit you; I will support you in all that you do, but we will never be together. We are too similar to be together; we are best friends, just like we have told people all along. Despite how hard we try, dating is not in our future. I know that now and am happy to have gotten to taste what it would be like. I know for a fact that I am not ready for any step with a guy to get more serious or to be in a committed, long-distance relationship. I can’t do that right now; I’m having too much fun being careless and free.

I wanted to be that person for you, and I wanted you to be that person for me, but as I go back and analyze little situations and interactions I know that I would be settling. You showed me what it’s like to have a best friend and the fact that it’s okay to open up to people in college. You have given a part of me back that has been missing for years. You understand the devastation I went through for years during knee surgeries; you know how hard i pushed myself to get back to the field, and you never judged when I opened up to you about needing to quit. You get me in ways that others don’t, and you make me want to smack you across the face the rest of the time. You are the first guy who won’t just take my sass and wit, but will throw it back in my face (much to my surprise most of the time). I’ve played the tape in my head a million times over the past year, the tape of you and I being together, and now I know that tape is flawed. It will never exist and that’s completely okay. I am fine with this; I have come to terms with the fact that you are not (and never will be) my forever.

A Video That Makes Us Think

i’ve watched this many times and still love love love love it. 

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else—the small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.”

“It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

One down, Three to go. Done by Thursday. Can’t wait.

Perhaps the best feeling I can ever have is the one I will get six days from now, as I drive out of Hamilton, NY for the rest of 2012. Sure, I will miss it, but my leaving for now is one that is going to be filled with friends, family, and a hell of a lot of adventure. I can’t wait for it all to begin, and knowing that this next week is complete takes a massive weight off my shoulders. The tease of being so close and the phenomenal weather only makes it that much harder to study and care how I do. With four papers, a poster, and a presentation last week, I am truly burnt out, but this won’t last forever, and to be on the other side of things will pull me through. I can’t wait to be done, to finish another chapter, and to enjoy the fun of summer!

done with classes: depressed.

i dont want to be older; i want to stay here forever and make dumb mistakes and have fun nights out and live with my friends. I don’t want to have to leave and work at an internship 40 hours a week, and later get a 40 hour per week job that doesn’t have a month of winter break and four months off in the summer. I don’t want to get older, I don’t want to leave here for the summer.

I want time to slow down. I’m not ready to be a junior.

A happy birthday is in order for one of my best friends in the world (whether he knows that or not). He has been my rock through good and bad, through Colgate and China, dealing with my sass and antics the whole way. Knowing him for two years just doesn’t quite seem to capture the amount of hell we have given each other, the number of times we have pissed off one another or the times I have walked out of your room pretending to be mad (you used to chase me down the hall and drag me back). You are one person who can annoy me to no end, but when it comes down to it, you are the one person I want next to me when shit hits the fan. You can always react calmly and rationally, even if you will throw it in my face later.

In all seriousness though, I never thought we would be friends, nevertheless one of my best friends here. I never thought that as I scroll through my photo albums since coming to college that I would have so many pictures of the two of us. I never thought you would be the one to try and communicate with the communist chinese police at 5AM desperately trying to find my camera after we nearly lost our lives due to terrible chinese drivers. Not to mention trying to contact the police, but when I was beside myself you were there and you weren’t letting me go anywhere without you (who knows where I would’ve ended up). You are one of the kids who I know I will be friends with in the future; I’ll get valuable business advice from you, get your opinion on the next guy I’m with (we both know the last one was not your favorite), and you know I will always be here for you as a best friend. We’ve been more distant this year and next year will be even more the case, but all I can hope for is for you to not to get too bust for little old me and to keep me updated every now and then. I care about you so much, you’re like the most frustrating little brother I don’t have. Thank you for everything over the past two years Fisch, and I can’t wait to see you next spring!!

then I’m halfway done.

time flies.

truth

pinterest is the biggest waste of time and a total lie. Here’s why.

Style Boards.

they allow you to post beautiful outfits you’ll never buy because they are completely couture and far too expensive. Not to mention that all the pictures worth repinning are those of skinny models who are completely different than your own body type, therefore the clothes would look completely different on you. So not only would you probably not buy those clothes, but they won’t look as good and you will end up feeling bad about yourself anyway.

Motivation.

this is another common type of “board.” the motivation board consists of workout routines, fit bodies, inspirational quotes, and six packs…..of abs. Naturally this board lies right between the style and food boards, because the person pinning the images will first see that the clothes don’t look as good as they do on the model so they need to work out in order to achieve her size, and eating the pictures of all the healthy food (with TINY portions) is going to help you get to that goal. This in and of itself is problematic. Those who have motivational boards that they continually post to are the ones that have severe body issues and are essentially putting that fact out for the world to see.

FOOOOOD.

Food is a popular board on pinterest because it’s just something we can’t live without. We have to eat at some point, or else we will die. So naturally it makes sense to put pictures of beautiful food on one’s board. HOwever, people don’t post simply whatever food they feel like eating, but instead they post the “healthy version of ice cream I have to try!” or a summer salad that seems like a meal for a four year old. Regardless, this is a place where it shouldn’t matter what pictures you put up, because you are not eating any of these things! People are just so damn concerned about the image they project.

In the end, I love pinterest. I love the pictures of storybook weddings with ideas that I’ll never have (because I have to find the right guy first), and the design of houses that I wouldn’t ever think of  (yes, I am still an HGTV fan). However, the real problem about pinterest is that you spend so much time looking for images that others haven’t posted, looking to see how many people repinned your lastest find, and this all just doesn’t really mean anything. It’s all just wishes and hope, many of which will never come to fruition. Keep pinning, but realize what you are saying about yourself in the process. 

We’re both too scared to jump,

to commit,

to love,

to be judged,

to admit what we have,

to speak our true feelings,

to put it all on the line,

to acknowledge what a special thing this is,

to get too close,

to lose each other,

to have a label,

to be hurt,

to be left,

to change for the worst,

to regret,

to ruin this.

congrats to you big guy!! so happy you have an east coast home for next year!

Sometimes the best thing to do on a rainy morning is lay in bed, cuddled up next to someone you care about. It doesn’t have to be a boyfriend, girlfriend, or someone you just met last night, but it needs to be someone who you have a mutual respect and understanding for. Looking outside my window this morning I know I have exactly that. A guy I respect and love, a friendship I wouldn’t let anything ruin, and a smile on my face that will be there all day (despite the gray clouds and mild hangover). This morning I was able to come to terms with the fact that I am deeply and truly in love with our friendship, our dynamic, our humor; and this will be unchanged for a very long time.

Source: observando